It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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