That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
