yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
