I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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