I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
