she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
