if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
