Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
