Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
