Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
