My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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