Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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