she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
