Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
