And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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