I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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