last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
