This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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