Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
