the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
