her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
