Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A bitchslap is in order.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
