oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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