i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
