he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
