I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
