lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
