just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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