Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
