how can u be prego again
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
