Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Houston, we have a blender
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize
