you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
