just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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