my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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