I like my sex mixed with concussions.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
