Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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