so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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