I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize