Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
