Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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