I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
