o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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