I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
