I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
