once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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