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She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
