new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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