Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
