I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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