dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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