So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
