I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
our cab driver is having phone sex.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize