do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This baby is an asshole
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
