Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
