i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
