So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
