i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
