You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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