He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
