and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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