yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
