dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
