He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
