I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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